Squeaker in Radioactive Girl Land
by asksillysisters
Summary: Ariel stabs stage runners with spare guitar picks. Rapunzel hurls frying pans into overly zealous mosh pits. Anna forgets what city they're in and cusses out entire audiences in between sets. Their fanbase is as fucked up as them, and they take pride in that. Elsa thinks she can make them better, or at least keep them from imploding. If they don't drive her looney first.
1. Debut CD

"Okay, that's it, we need a real freakin' sound tech. That was absolute shit, and the crowd knew it!" Rapunzel groused, hurling her drumsticks at her kit.

"Yeah, preferably one who isn't tatted up with eyeliner for days like some hideous lovechild between Metallica and Panic." the bassist, Ariel, added, jerking her head in the direction of a redhead laying flat on her back, smoke rings rising from her face. "We know your type by now, Anna, you can't keep fucking and scaring off the help."

"It's not my fault pot makes me horny!"

"Then smoke less, holy shit."

"But…my glaucoma!" Anna whined, tracing patters in the air lazily with her feet.

"Next time you fuck a sound tech, I'm gonna stab you in the eyes with one of your picks!" Ariel threatened.

"Holy shit Ariel…this about Eric not returning your calls?" Anna grinned lazily, covering her eyes.

"Fuck you, Anna!" Ariel spat, storming off-stage.

Moaning frustratedly, Rapunzel sat down next to her best friend. "You do kinda deserve to get stabbed a little, dude. We sound like shit when we don't have a tech…"

"Um, excuse me…" a timid voice called from the front row.

"Tch, fine…I'll **try** not to act like a horny teenager for the next one. Hans said he was done providing them for us anyway, we're gonna have to find one ourselves." Anna relented.

"Are you–are you looking for a…" the soft voice continued.

"Yeah, but let's not use Craigslist this time." Rapunzel cautioned, pushing against Anna's head with her bare feet playfully. "All you get from there are creepers and fanboys."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't even go there…I mean, you know." Anna grinned, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. She was interrupted mid-waggle when a notebook slapped her in the face. "What the double fuck?!"

"Sorry, I really need your…attention." The two bandmates finally looked to the girl in the front row. Comically large glasses, pale skin, dark blue turtleneck.

"What do you want, girlie?" Anna lazily drawled. "I know we suck, but half an hour after the show is a little mean to still be throwing shit."

"Sorry…n-no, no I'm not!" Elsa exclaimed hotly. "You guys are great! Awesome! And–and you need a tech?"

"Yeah, but…fangirls need not apply." Anna groaned.

"Wait wait, hang on a sec." Rapunzel added, hopping down off the stage and approaching the timid young woman. "You know your shit?"

"My s-shit? Uh, yeah, I guess so…better than your last tech, anyway."

Rolling her eyes, Rapunzel snickered. "A monkey could do a better job than Aladdin."

Grinning, Anna chimed in, "'Member that one time he got wasted and his pet monkey DID fill in? That was hella."

"I'm better than a m-m, m-m-m-monkey." Elsa stammered hotly.

"Good thing you ain't here for vocals. Can we pay you in tears and shattered dreams?" Rapunzel inquired, pulling up the woman's long sleeves and examining he arms.

"Wha? Um…I was hoping for a l-l-little money. What are you d-d-d-"

"Top up!"

"W-WHAT?" Elsa blushed, clutching her shirt.

"This is important. Like, maybe the most important prerequisite for the job." Rapunzel intoned seriously.

"F-fine…" Elsa squeaked, pulling her turtleneck up to just below her bra.

Anna glanced over. "Booooring. We need to get that blank canvas painted!"

"Nope, she's clean and she's gonna stay that way. You find another fuckgirl on your own time." Rapunzel said, pulling Elsa's shirt back down. "You pass, sweetie!"

"R-really? Th-thanks!" Elsa chirped, fumbling with the other notebooks under her arm. "I have so m-many great ideas f-f-for shows!"

"Christ you're a squeaky little mouse, aren't ya?" Anna smirked, closing her eyes and rolling onto her side, taking a long drag from her joint.

"Y-you should stop s-s-smoking too, it's bad for your v-v-vocals…" Elsa offered, adjusting her glasses nervously.

"Aw fuck…" Rapunzel groaned, stepping away.

In a flash, Anna went from curled up on the stage to leaping like a panther onto Elsa. "Don't take my fun away, Squeaker…don't do it…" she purred, rubbing her face against the trembling young woman's cheek as she grasped her shoulders.

"I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-ssssss–"

"Lemme corrupt you just a little…" Anna whispered, nuzzling the crook of Elsa's neck. "Just a teeny tiny l–*gluk*" Her eyes went wide and she vomited, black bile covering Elsa's shoulder and running down the front of her shirt.

"Oh…" Elsa gasped, adjusting her glasses again before fainting on the spot.

"God damnit, Anna…" Rapunzel lectured. "Now you stink twice as bad…and so does our new tech girl. Go get her cleaned up before she quits even before we can see how well she does."

"W-what? Don't worry, I'll *hiccup* rally…" Anna returned, spitting as she leaned down to pick up their new sound tech. "Lezgo Squeaker, now you're one of us."

Elsa wore a faint grin as she was hoisted over the redhead's shoulder.


	2. Track 1 - Burn the Life Lemon Tree Down

01 - When Life Gives You Lemons You Fucking Burn the Tree Down

Cutting the crust off of the tomato and kale sandwich, Kristoff zipped it up in a Ziploc bag and placed in carefully in a brown papers sack. "Are you sure you have everything you need? ID? Insurance forms? Medical cards?"

Grumbling, Elsa glanced at herself in the mirror. Hair was a complete disaster, and no time to make it prsentable. "Yes, dad, I'm not forgetting anything."

"I'm just saying, this isn't like high school pep band or college theater. This is a real. Rock. Band. With managers and contracts and dotted line signatures and everything." Kristoff shrugged, placing the stapled-shut paper sack into Elsa's backpack alongside her notebooks, laptop, and other necessities. "I want my daughter to make a good first impression with her new hooligan employers."

Wrapping her hair up into a messy bun with her trusty red scrunchie, Elsa made a sour face, replying, "You're honestly the most worry-wart big brother in history."

"I'd worry more, but I know you were already up at 4 a.m. this morning overpreparing. You'll definitely wow them with your wizard magic light shows and explosions!" Kristoff grinned, helping her put on her backpack. "Seriously, call me if you need anything."

"Okay okay, you got it. Gosh, you're so uncool." Elsa joked lamely, pulling the straps on her backpack tight as she leaned in for a hug.

She held on for a full minute, trembling slightly. "I don't...I don't wanna mess this up. Could I just...please not mess this up?"

Letting her go, he ruffled her hair. "Just breathe. Breathe and do what you do. Make some friends. Let them do what they do. It's how a team works."

"Okay...okay, I can do this."

* * *

"Where the fuck is our worthless, shit-for-brains manager?!" Ariel screamed, scratching her fingers against the strings of her bass.

"Chill out, Ariel, it's only practice." Rapunzel sighed, leaning back on her stool and raising her right foot, deftly twirling a drum stick between her toes. "This is our last tour for him anyway...far as I'm concerned, ugly sideburns can get plastered at every titty bar in town if it means I don't have to see him around."

"Yeah...titty bar..." Anna drawled, scooting further into her Ninja Turtles sleeping bag. "He may be a money grubbing jackass, but he's definitely got it made."

"Yeah well, we'll have it made too. Just wait 'til you see our new whiz kid in action." Rapunzel grinned, bouncing over and grabbing the end of Anna's sleeping bag. "I talked shop with her a little after you passed out in the shower. Real graceful move, by the way. I had to lend her one of my shirts. Anyway, she really knows her stuff...it's gonna blow your mind."

Ariel nodded. "Can't be worse than monkey man..."

"Yeah, uh huh, we'll see what Squeaker's got if I didn't freak her out too much last night-" Anna mumbled, just before being unceremoniously dumped out of her sleeping bag. "Nooooo, the cold, the daylight, noooo, I'm fucking melting!"

"Nooo, our little bitchy witch had to be awake, nooo." Rapunzel mocked, nudging Anna's leg with her foot. "Get up and play something, wake up before our newbie gets here."

"Like what." Anna grumped, sitting up and reaching over for her guitar. "Cold heartless bitch of a drummer?"

"How about 'Mary had a bitchy vocalist"?" Rapunzel retorted.

"Mary...Mary...hah, you'd be WRONG!" Anna cheered, strumming the chords gently. "~Mary, you're still on my list~ ~won't you give me just a little kiss~"

A guitar pick bounced off her head, followed by Ariel's threatening voice, "Sneak some disount Hall and Oates lyrics in another song, I fucking dare you."

"~One on one, I'd kick my bassist's ass tonight~ ~she's a freaking ho~" Anna grinned.

"MOTHERFUCKER" Ariel lunged her as the door opened slowly.

"Um...I g-g-guess this is the right p-place...h-hello?" Elsa meekly squeaked, taken aback as Ariel and Anna brandished their instruments like samurai swords while they circled each other. "Th-that's probably not g-g-good for th-those..." she stammered sheepishly.


	3. Track 2 - Practice Showtime - Fun

Track 02 - Practice Equals Showtime Minus Fun

"Can you n-n-not stand over my shoulder l-like that?" Elsa stammered, pulling her turtleneck up over her mouth and nose as her other hand fine-tuned the bass line that Ariel was laying down. Over her right shoulder loomed Anna, bending down to catch a glimpse of the blonde's laptop while she absentmindedly hummed 'Henry VIII' into the microphone.

"Aw, don't be like that Squeaks, I just wanna watch you do your thing!" Anna grinned, cut off at the end by a fit of coughing.

"Okay...but...your b-breath is sort of...foul." the blonde stated, voice muffled through her shirt's fabric. "G-good dental hygiene is important for vocalists, and I r-r-refuse to let you squander your talent."

Anna whooped gleefully. "I've got taaaalent, you hear that girls? She said I'm taaalented!"

"Thank god it's with this, 'cuz there's no way I'm letting you near my tubs, no matter how good a banger you claim to be." Rapunzel smirked, pulling several drinks out of the fridger. "Squeaker? Anything to drink?"

"Hah, banger, heh heh..." Anna interjected with a cackle.

Free from Anna's breath attack, Elsa lowered her collar and blushed. "J-just water please, if there's any in a b-b-bottle." Adjusting her glasses awkwardly, she continued, "Is that gonna be m-my name when I'm here f-f-forever?"

"Yup, band rules." Ariel remarked offhandedly, seated on the floor with a large speaker propping her up. "Old newbie gets to name the new newbie...and unless we pick up any insane roadies, you're the newest newbie for the forseeable future." Fingers plucking out the 'Charge!' tune, she opened her eyes and looked at Elsa intently. "Hope you do stick around, though...I haven't heard us THIS smooth sounding in months."

Blushing profusely now, Elsa waved her hand dismissively. "N-no, I told you the other d-day. You're all so t-t-talented, I'm just helping to p-polish it. Also, your music helps m-me with...things. In my head I mean. This is...p-payback too, I guess." Noticing all eyes were on her, Elsa slapped her face down on the desk so hard her laptop jumped. Covering her head with her forearms, she piteously whimpered, "C-can you not stare p-p-p-p-POUGHKEEPSIE!"

Anna snorted, cocking an eyebrow at the embarrassed young woman. "Um...wait, what?"

"Town in New York." Rapunzel informed her bandmates, hurling a bottle of iced tea at Anna's head.

"God damnit, don't fucking hurt the talent Punz!" Anna groaned, scrambling for her drink.

"You be nice." Rapunzel chided, placing Elsa's bottle of water on her desk and leaning down, whispering, "That's your way of controlling it, huh?"

Lifting her head an inch to look back at the blonde's gentle smile, Elsa sighed, lips quirking into a small smile of her own. "Y-yeah, it's a coping t-tool, saw it on a show I used to watch with my p-parents."

"Aw, I didn't mean it like that Squeaker." Anna sighed, awkwardly scratching her head. "We all have our own little...things. None bad, just what make us flavorful!"

Unplugging her bass, Ariel stood up and stretched. "Speaking of your fucking weird turns of phrase, I need a god damn burrito in my mouth, like, yesterday."

Whispering conspiratorially, Rapunzel informed Elsa, "We never know if she means a REAL burrito, or her boyfriend's, you know..."

"Yeah Ari, you go girl! Go get you some meat in that taco!" Anna cheered, ducking the empty milk carton hurled in her direction.

"Get some sleep for tomorrow's show. And Punz, cancel the god damn Showtime subscription." Ariel grumbled, adjusting the spiked collar she never took off. "Fucking L Word is all Anna ever watches and it's pissing me off."

"NO PUNZIE, DON'T TAKE SHANE AWAY FROM MEEEEE!"


	4. Track 3 - Set the Stage, Then Burn It

Track 3 - Set the Stage, Then Burn It

"You sure you wanna get off here, missy?" the grizzled bus driver asked Elsa as she fixed her official Radioactive Girl band pin, preparing to step off the bus.

"Yeah, this is the p-place..." Elsa assured him, looking out the door at a dingy dive bar and the row of intimidating motorcycles parked out front."...I th-think." Taking a deep breath, she stepped off the bus, clutching her backpack's straps and making her way to a glowing neon orange sign indicating the entrance.

At the door she was stopped by a burly fellow in a black leather vest, greying beard and ponytail tied off with what she'd consider adorable skull scrunchies, but she'd be damned if she voiced THAT out loud. "What's the password, lady?"

"P-password?" Elsa squeaked in bewilderment. "I, uh...they didn't t-tell me any password." Fumbling in her pockets, she produced one of the band's business cards Rapunzel had given her. "I'm...um...with the band?"

Taking the card and flipping it over, the man eyed Elsa dubiously. "Band? Oh yeah, you with Roadkill Reggie's Rioters?" His grin proudly displaying several gold teeth, he continued, "Ya don't look it...you sure you ain't lyin' to me?"

"I, I, I-I-I..." Elsa trailed off in mortification, about to turn tail and flee, before a familiar voice rang out.

"Ken, are you fucking with Squeaker?" Ariel growled, pushing past a drunk couple waiting for the bathroom.

"Oh, she's with youse?" Ken grinned innocently, putting up his hands in mock-fear. "Sorry Ari, just havin' a little fun. She's a spooked thing, that's for sure!" Beckoning for Elsa to enter, he gave her another shining grin. "Didn't mean ta mess with you there, I'm security and I'll make sure youse girls aren't bothered."

"Uh huh." Ariel spat, glaring at him before grasping Elsa's forearm and pulling her into the dusty bar. "Don't pull that password shit on newbie again, you know I see your wife every fuckin' Tuesday at the pawn shop and could have her on your ass so fast..."

"Yeah yeah, I got it kid. I'll play nice..." Ken groaned, winking at Elsa who gave him a queasy half-smile in return.

Elsa followed Ariel through the rowdy thong of patrons, to the back of the bar where her equipment was on the floor. Grabbing an empty table and dragging it over, Ariel huffed. "Didn't know if you'd show...trial by fire tonight!"

Elsa, not used to raising her voice, had to practically shout to be heard over the din. "It's not like your community center shows, that's for sure!"

"Right right, compared to tonight that shit's gonna seem PG." Producing a wrapped package from among the equipment, Ariel held it out to Elsa. "Little present from us...think of it as bribery to stick around if anyone messes with you tonight."

Blushing, Elsa took the package and unwrapped it. "Mouse-eared headphones...that's pretty c-c-cute. Th-thanks!"

"Come again?!" Ariel shouted.

"I said they're really cute, thank you!" Elsa yelled, glasses bouncing off her face at the force of her yell. Fumbling to catch them before they hit the ground, she smiled at Ariel lamely.

"Good, I'll tell Anna you like 'em. Her idea..." Ariel grinned, placing them around Elsa's neck.

"How'd she know I like Deadmau5?" Elsa asked, unzipping her jacket and cleaning her glasses off with her shirt.

"That one keychain there." Ariel returned, indicating the multi-colored, big-eared dangly mouse head hooked to one of her pockets' zippers. "She may look stoned half the day, but the girl's got a few brain cells yet."

Elsa smiled warmly, lowering her voice. "You always seem so cross with her..."

"Yeah, don't tell her I said that shit, she's liable to float away with a big head." Ariel laughed, patting Elsa on the shoulder lightly. "Okay, sound check's in 15, we're doing two 45 minute sets tonight. You good?"

Unzipping her backpack, Elsa shot her a tenative smile. "I th-think so. I guess...we'll, we'll see."

"Hey, relax. We can't suck more than we already have." Lightly punching Elsa's shoulder, Ariel turned to go, before adding, "You know you didn't stutter once when you yell, right?"

"Y-yeah, it kinda makes me dizzy so I don't yell a lot." Elsa called back, but Ariel was already shoving her way past a couple of howling frat guys. Touching the headphones around her neck, Elsa smiled widely.

"I c-can do this...I...I can!"


	5. Track 4 - Fucking Cover Bands

Track 4 - Fucking Cover Bands

"Good evening to our drunken friends, our sober friends, and our passed the fuck out friends!" Anna's raspy voice boomed into the microphone. "We are 'Radioactive Girl'...but we're thinking of changing our name to 'Only Losers Play Covers'!"

"Shut the hell up and play, Lane!" Ariel growled.

Clapping her drumsticks smartly over her head, Rapunzel sent them tearing into the first song tonight with a boisterous "One two three!"

Elsa quickly found out that the balance they shared in practice between their instruments and Anna's gritty voice carried over to performing, but the acoustics of this bar were much different than the community center auditorium. Making a quick correction to compensate, Elsa booted up the pre-programmed graphics she'd made over the last few days. Behind Rapunzel hung a white projector screen, which exploded with colorful spinning icons of their band's logo.  
Pressing her left hand against her headphones, she isolated each band member's sound one at a time to further smooth out the sound.

Ariel's tough as iron fingernails lent a scratchy edge to her bass notes which Elsa felt needed little alteration. Rapunzel's drumming was flawless as always, but Elsa turned the volume down a bit on her backup vocals. She'd have to look into a part-time instructor for Rapunzel. Thankfully, the short blonde den mother of the group was very receptive to criticism and advice.

Unlike Anna, Elsa groaned. She was obviously stoned again, and while that might help with a slower number, the uptempo 'Grenade Jumper' was definitely being dragged down by her lackadaisical guitar playing. Flawless vocals, though.

Several more songs went by in quick succession, from Lenny Kravitz to The Rolling Stones, as the crowd responded with increasingly raucous yell-singing in response to Anna's taunts of 'LOUDER, FUCKHEADS!' and 'SOUNDS LIKE YOU KIDS ARE READY FOR FUCKIN' BED!'. Elsa giggled as Ariel and Anna squared off for a guitar-bass face to face duel. Every so often, Rapunzel would pause mid-stick twirl with her right hand and point at the bespectacled platinum blonde in the back. Elsa would give a timid wave back and Anna would replace whatever lyrics were coming next with a "Fuck yeah, Squeaker!".

It didn't take long for a handsome, dark brown haired guy to approach her, drink in hand. Setting it down on her table, he grinned. "On the house...Ken says the girls have never sounded this good before; we figure that must be your fault!"

"Y-yeah, g-guilty as charged." Elsa sheepishly raised her hand in acknowledgement, sliding her headphones back to hear the young man better.

"Flynn, pleased to make your acquaintance." the young man offered, extending his hand which Elsa gingerly shook.

"I'm Elsa...what's in that d-d-drink?"

Grinning, Flynn replied, "Just lemonade. Rapunzel put me on sound tech hydration duty tonight, so no alcohol unless you specifically ask for it. You are of age...right?"

"Y-yeah, I'm 25." Elsa sipped gingerly at the drink, enjoying this friendly fellow's company. "You and Rapunzel...are the t-t-two of..." Blushing, she brought her index fingers to meet.

Laughing, Flynn shook his head. "Once upon a time, long long ago in a land far far away...and all that crap." He winked at Elsa, before grunting as a well-aimed drum stick struck him in the head.

Giving Flynn the squint from Hell and making a death threat gesture, Rapunzel grinned like a maniac. "Yeah...there's still something between us. I think. Whatever she says..." Flynn smirked, shoulders slumping as he added a self deprecating chuckle at the end. "I'll check on you later, Elsa...keep making these idiots look good."

Elsa nodded, putting her headphones back on and enjoying some more of the lemonade. The band had gone quiet, when Anna announced, "Alright you lameshits, we're gonna take five, but if I don't hear some real fuckin' noise next set I'm gonna get Ari here to shove her bass up each and every one of your asses."

Ariel cackled. "Oh I'd do it too."

"I know you would, Ari. Good bitch." Anna reached out to pat her head, but drew it back, just missing Ariel's growl-bite aimed at her fingers. "SQUEAKER!" she called over the crowd. "Come tell us how awesome we were! Or how much we sucked, that's cool too!"


End file.
